E24: Why the Parish Community Matters in Raising Faithful Families

What role does a parish community actually play in forming our children’s faith?

Why can’t Catholic identity be handed on by families alone or by schools alone?

In this month’s episode of Catholicism 101, we look at the irreplaceable gift of parish life and how every family is strengthened through a living, breathing Catholic community.

Resources:

Study: 9 in 10 cradle Catholics leaving the Church; experts urge stronger faith community | Catholic News Agency

Religious Transmission: A Solution to the Church's Biggest Problem | Church Life Journal 

Addressing the Phenomenon of Parish Hopping | OSV

How to Pick a Parish (and Why It Matters!) | FOCUS

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, friends. Welcome back to another episode of Catholicism 101, Forever Learning and Living the Faith. So today we are talking about why the parish community matters. And it's not just why it matters like for our own selves, because although, yes, that is incredibly important, but really what we're going to focus on today, too, revolves around like the future generations and in raising faithful families. You know, there is just this common mindset among the vast majority of people that you want to leave things better than you found them. And I find especially for parents, you know, whenever I meet with them for baptism prep, it's typically like, I want better for my kid than I had for myself. And so I again I always present them with there's this conflicting tension of you can't give what you don't have. So again, this um we're gonna focus a lot on why it matters for raising faithful families, not just um for our own kids and our own grandkids, but for generations to come after that. Um it all stems from our own relationship with our parish and the relationship with our parish that we foster for our own children. So let's go ahead and get right into it because this is just so important. Um and I've got some statistics here that are very intriguing. Um, and I it kind of gives like hard data to things that I feel like we kind of already knew, um, but this just confirms it. Um, and actually the numbers are a little, a lot more staggering than you would probably initially think. So in August of this year, 2025, a study was released from the University of Notre Dame's Church Life Journal, and it revealed that nine out of every 10 cradle Catholics are leaving the church. And so, you know, you see in the media and all of this, uh, and you even see in other studies that we are seeing a rise in people going through OCIA who are converting to Catholicism. Um, but and like that's that's good and that's beautiful. Like OCIA is my favorite part of my job. Uh, and I love it and I love it. Um, and I I get to encounter those those stories like firsthand. Um, but at the same time, for every one person who converts, there's between nine and ten cradle Catholics who leave. That's heartbreaking. Um but per UND study, this translates to like roughly 15 million Catholics that are just gone for whatever reason it may be. Um, but whenever you know these surveys go out, they have these boxes for you to check of like what religion do you identify with, or what religion do you identify as. Um, and they checks the box of none, like N-O-N-E, like no religion. Um, and you hear the term like I'm spiritual but not religious, and all of this. So let's let's kind of dig into why this is happening. And though, you know, there are countless reasons, honestly, as to why it's happening, uh, and honestly, many of us tend to latch on to one reason or another as being like more of a problem than one reason or another. And uh, but we're gonna focus on the key reasons that this is happening that's listed in UND study as to why so many people who are raised Catholic end up leaving the church. Um, and I I just want to highlight that it has to do with both personal relationships and the wider culture as a whole. So, this first reason I want to go ahead and put um kind of like a little disclaimer or kind of like a little slight flag at the beginning before I go into it, that this can be kind of a tender issue. Um, children are more likely to accept religious claims with a high level of confidence when both parents are on the same page. Interreligious marriages have become more common in the last century, and that it's not a bad thing in and of itself. Actually, these these marriages tend to be quite beautiful. Um, and and the Lord's grace flows through them. But at the same time, it does highlight the importance of discerning engagement and marriage, uh, and then followed by marriage prep with the church. You know, if if we want our kids to have a solid foundation of faith, then we need to at least recognize uh how important it is that we are on the same page as our spouses when it comes to passing on that faith. We hear actually of a lot of people who are not Catholic that get married to a Catholic. Um, and in order to, you know, be married in the church, um, whether or not you're Catholic, you you have to go through this uh six-month period of marriage prep, uh marriage preparation with a priest. And how that happens um varies kind of from parish to parish, what that exactly looks like, what they use. Um, but you hear of so many people who are not Catholic that went through this so that they could get married in the church. They say that that's actually the best gift uh that the church has given them. And it's like, hey, I may not agree with the Catholic Church on anything, but by golly, they've got that marriage prep that has been invaluable for my marriage. So, you know, we we hear this and it's like, okay, it this is an important thing. And again, I want to give that disclaimer of like, and the the study, UND study says this too, that those um who are in interreligious marriages, you are not any less welcome in the church. Um you are not any less welcome in the church. Like, by golly, we want and need you here. And the study only points it out because it does like again, it it's statistically that does have like a high impact on a lot of these um cradle Catholics who end up leaving. But also, I do want to point out that um it's not isolated to just the family. Whenever kids are raised in a community where, you know, their extended families, their friends, their teachers, their coaches, their neighbors, their their friends' parents, they when they all share the same religious beliefs as their own family, then what is made important in that home is given credibility by the community. I will say, uh, I want to pull this quote from the study. It says, wavering Catholics of, say, 1925 would have experienced a strong pull toward Catholic belief and practice from a close group of Catholic extended family, Catholic friends, and often Catholic neighbors and co-workers. Wavering Catholics of 2025, by contrast, experience a general sense that their religious beliefs are contested and their religious practices are optional. So disaffiliating from the church would bring comparatively little disruption to their personal relationships and way of life. I will say it's very understandable why people leave from that point of view of like, hey, um, I'm the only person at my work or I'm the only person at my school or my college or in my sorority or whatever. Like I'm the only person here that is Catholic. And um, like I was already kind of like on the fence, whatever. And it would actually make my life a lot easier if I like just didn't act like I was Catholic or I didn't go to church. It would actually make my life a lot easier. Um, and so it's totally understandable like why why that decision is often made. Um, while understandable to a certain degree, um doesn't mean that it's the best decision. Now I want to get into um where this like vilification of religion comes, this general sense against religion, uh, where it comes from in our culture and what has like caused this tension. So we're gonna go through a short, brief, succinct historical timeline here. Now, we're gonna start with the Cold War. And from UND's study, it said during the Cold War, the 1950s to the early 1900s, Americans tended to conceive of themselves as a religious nation locked in a struggle with the godless Soviet Union. Rejecting religion was almost un-American. Okay, so we have that. And then just 10 to 15 years later, following the terrorist attack of 9-11, the presence of religious extremists in the media just skyrocketed. Uh, suddenly, the people that we like considered our external enemies, they were no longer like the Soviets who we considered to be this like godless nation, this godless people. They have no religion, but rather all of a sudden our enemies are too religious. So I really like to use this analogy of a pendulum that's swinging back and forth whenever explaining how things can go from one extreme to the opposite extreme really quickly. Um, because this this phenomenon, this cultural phenomenon happens all of the time. It happens all of the time in the culture. Um, but like on a real note too, it happens personally all of the time. All of the time. Uh it is that classic, like you whenever you love something too much, you end up hating it. And whenever you hate something, like all of a sudden you love it. It is just it is just this weird phenomenon that happens time after time after time after time, played out through like all of history. So now, um, as we're back in like the 1950s, the early 1950s, the fear of the Cold War is just like everyone's on constant high alert with this threat of being killed by godless people. And while this is like this threat is thick in the air, the pendulum is already swinging in the other direction because in December of 1953, Hugh Hefner published the first issue of Playboy magazine launching what became the sexual revolution of the 1960s. So this rapid shift in culture created a very wide gap between traditional Catholic morality and then the mainstream ethics of the American culture. And as we know, that gap is only continuing to grow. So, on top of these events, um, the church is experiencing her own brokenness and chaos within her shepherds and members as we encounter um the clergy sexual abuse scandals. Now, in the middle of all this, you throw in the rise of the internet, smartphones, social media, various online communities, and you end up uh where we are in the culture 2025 today. And you know, it's not just happening outside the church, it's still happening within the church. Um, you know, you hear of like these liturgy wars of like, oh, there's there's the charismatic movement, and then, oh, there's this push to go back to pre-Vatican II and the Latin Mass and all of this, and it's like suddenly we're not making like suddenly our enemies are not people outside the church who don't want us to be Catholic. But all of a sudden, like when you're in the church, it's like, oh, if you're not this kind of Catholic, or if you're like don't have this kind of spirituality, all of a sudden, like you're my own personal enemy. It's like, hey guys. Hey guys. Like, we can't be doing this. We have to see one another as people. Um, you know, in the church, we have to see everyone as our brothers and sisters, whether or not we agree with them and we have to love them. And oftentimes your family is the hardest people to love. But uh, you know, though those outside the church as well, you know, they are people too. They are people too. We have to love. Okay. So what do we do? What do we do with all of this? We cannot just throw the baby out with the bathwater and say, well, everything has just gone to crap and it all needs to be tossed out. Um, so this this notion of like the pendulum swinging, and it's like, okay, we're going from one extreme to the other. So like completely boycotting the internet and modern technologies is it's not the answer. Um, and I I want to point out something that is very intriguing to me and um just I okay. Have you all seen how much care and discernment that the Vatican is using, that the Holy Father and our magisterium that they are using and advising us when it comes to these artificial intelligence technologies with AI. They are not saying to avoid it completely. They're not. But they are encouraging us to use critical thinking when we engage with it. And not just that, they are working constantly to give us guidelines for how to use these technologies morally. The church takes the evolution of culture so seriously, and knowing that people are drawn to anything that reflects even an ounce of God's goodness, beauty, or truth, the church is constantly looking for the ways in which we can affirm the goodness of things that people desire while also moderating it and speaking truth to the elements that are unjust, untrue, and harmful to the dignity of human life, lived in abundance. By golly, the church loves you and she wants you to live just life in abundance. She wants utter joy, peace, and happiness for you. But she also knows that advising you to throw caution to the wind would not be being a good mother. That is not no no no no. No. So she she takes this seriously. She's not gonna say throw the baby out with the bathwater. I promise you that. Okay. Back to um this UND study. Whenever they talk about uh they call it predictors of successful religious transmission, aka things that tell us that your kid is likely to remain like more likely to remain Catholic if they are raised like this. So this is what they say. If someone is raised Catholic, what factors make it more likely that he or she will continue to practice the faith as an adult? A large body of rigorous social scientific research has made a good deal of headway on these questions. There are no silver bullets here, no guaranteed formulas, and faith is a gift from God. Ultimately, the Holy Spirit is in the driver's seat, not us. But God wills to work through us as secondary causes, and hence, with God's help, we can cooperate in removing some of the obstacles to faith that our youth experience. Here's what we know helps. Uh, here in the Diocese of Owensboro, we had our um parish staff, parish leadership convocation yesterday in Hopkinsville, and our speaker, um, Mike Petine, he he's he's Cajun, he's awesome. But uh he said, you know, talking about whenever being in like a leadership position, things like that, and you know, parenting being a leadership position, the Lord tells us, you know, I need your energy and I need your sweat equity, but what I ask of you is that you let me lead your mind and your heart because it is his will that be done and not my own. And his will is to make heaven crowded. He wants everyone there. He wants everyone there. Okay. Now, here's what UND points out says, here's what we know helps. The parents are on the same page in regards to religious beliefs. You know, again, interreligious marriages are beautiful, they are welcomed, they are needed in the church, but adequate marriage prep and awareness of how those potential differences and beliefs might impact their promise to raise children in the church, that that's especially important. Um, number two, the parent's marriage is intact. The grace of God, though, is it's especially at work in these situations because he can turn the deepest of heartbreaks, um, just the deepest of sorrows and heartbreaks and brokenness into the greatest occasions of grace. So entrusting yourself to the pastoral care and guidance of the church and her shepherds, especially in these tender places, it will help you give the spirit more freedom to move and redeem those blur those broken places. Now, another one is that the parents live where their religion and it is evidently important to them. So whenever I meet with parents and godparents uh who are having their first child baptized, I like to ask, you know, if someone were to ask your child or your godchild in a few years, what is something that's important to you? Even if you had never said it was important, what do you want him or what do you want her to be able to say? You know, actions speak louder than words, and kids pick up on our behaviors sooner than we may think or even like to think. Um so things like consistently praying before meals at bedtime and in the morning, uh, those may seem small, but they are actually they are incredibly impactful. So these kinds of things where our actions um just affirm our words and what we say is important, we call these creds. It's credibility enhancing displays. And so um, those are incredibly important. And actually, I will say um on the flip end of that, it's part of the reason that the clergy's sexual abuse scandal led to such a drastic decline in practicing Catholics. Um, many of our spiritual fathers not only lost credibility by failing to practice what they preach, uh, by by deeply wounding the people entrusted to their care. You know, we have that saying like, practice what you preach. Um, and that that goes for us too. Like if you tell your kids this is important, and if you're making that public witness of getting your children baptized, um give it some credibility. Give it some credibility. If you say it's important, then act like it's important, kind of thing. Okay. Another uh predictor of successful religious transmission is that parents talk with their children about religion. You know, it's one thing for them to practice themselves, but actually talking about it uh with them is indispensable. You know, credibility goes both ways. So words, like we said, they need to line up with our actions. We can't tell our children that faith is important and we always strive to put God first, and then we don't make Sunday Mass a priority. It's kind of like saying, I love you, but then never making sure that they're showered or have clean clothes. Empty words or actions that are conflicting always cultivate distrust. You lose all credibility. All of a sudden you're not trustworthy. And it's like, do you actually mean what you say? But you know, on the opposite end too, uh, we need to remind our kids with words of why we do what we do. Why we do what we do. If we're always saying no to Chick-fil-A after ball games and they never hear us tell them that we want to get them something nice for Christmas. So instead of a $12 meal tonight, we're gonna throw something in the oven, whatever it is, then they probably just think we're being mean. You know, I remember um as a kid, like wanting to get ice cream all the time. It is still like one of my absolute favorite desserts is ice cream. But I remember I would ask for it and I would get so frustrated when there would be like this past. Like they would always say no, and I would get so frustrated. And finally, my dad one time was like, Emily, I'm telling you no because I love you. Uh, like you you don't need ice cream five days a week. You don't need ice cream as a reward every time you have a good day at school or every time after a game. You don't need that. I'm telling you no because I love you, and you will feel much better if you don't have it all that often. And I will tell you, um, that gave me a lot of respect for my father and my mother for that matter, of just like having this greater understanding of like they love me when it's like hard to love me, because I was a kid that threw tamper tamper tantrums. I was like, by golly, get me my ice cream. And so I was not fun to deal with, and it was probably a lot easier to say, fine, yeah, let's go get it than no. But um, all that to say when we don't explain why. Um when when love is quiet or indirect or just unspoken, uh, then our actions become very confusing and it can create doubt. And so our our kids, they need clarity and they need reassurance. A few other indicators of kids remaining Catholic after they leave the family home from the study. Um, they point out that parents provide both warmth and structure, and that they form secure attachments to both parents when they are younger teenagers, that they considered religious faith important in their daily life, and they were active in practicing that faith. Uh, one thing that is very notable is that they attended a Catholic high school, um, many faith-supportive peer relationships, um, and many supportive Catholic adults, so like grandparents, friends, parents, mentors, youth ministers, coaches, teachers, neighbors, etc., these are all positive indicators that give kids a better chance of remaining Catholic after they leave the family home. And like I said at the beginning, uh, the church recognizes that parents need social support for their faith too, because we can't give what we don't have. So community is key. Community is key not only for the development of our children's relationship with God, but our own as well. You know, one of one of the one of the devil's greatest tools is isolation. Isolation. If he can isolate us, then he can he can do a lot. Um, so community is key. And where do we find our local community of Catholics? But in our Catholic Church and our own parish. So that being said, since I am here at St. Mary of the Woods Catholic Church in Whitesville, I want to give you an invitation, a few invitations, actually, from the parish. So the first, um, I would be remiss if I did not highlight our Catholic schools, St. Mary of the Woods School and Trinity High School, you know, pre-K through 12. These Catholic schools are a cornerstone of this community, and rightly so. The faith is not only woven into the fabric of everything that the students learn, but the relationships that they build with one another are priceless. Not only that, but so are the relationships that are formed among the parents, and everything. Everything is centered on our common Catholic faith, and they are all aimed at growing in virtue and growing in love of the Lord. And yes, a Catholic education requires a lot of sacrifice. Um, being a product of Catholic schools myself, um, I can say that it it really is. It is one of the greatest gifts that my parents have given me, even if I was not always happy about it at the time. Even if it took me a few years after graduating to actually be thankful for it and like realize what a gift that that really was. You know, hindsight is 2020. Okay. Families of faith. So this is our formal religious education program that's required for students who um attend public schools or are homeschooled. So it's we have a once-monthly gathering where your kids are in classrooms with their peers. They are receiving meaningful religious formation. Now, the parents, they all gather in the library with me. We hang out, we have a good time. We are away from the pressure of uh making sure that your kids are behaving in every moment. We talk about religiously relevant topics, um, both concrete ways of how to talk about the faith at home, um, how to, you know, how to teach what's what's going on, um, what they need to know, how to teach their kids at home. And then we also learn and discuss things that are just religious, like that we just find it interesting as adults. Uh, we pray together, we form bonds with Catholics within our own community that we know and we trust. Okay. Another thing I want to invite you to is any of our um adult education and formation happenings. A huge highlight that we have is we have seasonal book clubs. So we have one in the summer, um, we have one in Advent that's just started. And then this Lent, uh, we are having one led by a couple of parishioners. And then also, like I have resources here at the office for people to form small groups and Bible studies. Uh and you know, obviously we have this podcast, and though it's a lot of fun for me to just chat in your ear, um, again, it's not meant to keep you isolated uh in your own personal faith, but it's it's to help you grow with others too. So I really I invite you to share what you've learned um with others or what you've found interesting because they just might need to hear it. Uh make it a point to catch up with them, talk about it, share faith. Share faith. Now, another incredible way to share faith and um enhance your credibility too. That's just kind of like a cherry on top, is stewardship. You know, get involved in ministries. Yeah, we are always needing liturgical ministers, uh, but getting involved with parish ministries that happen outside of Mass does wonders to build community. Uh, for example, you know, I I was new to Whitesville three and a half years ago. I will say it was incredibly intimidating to get to know the like 3,000-ish people that I would be serving. Um, and the the first people that I got to know who have constantly affirmed me and welcomed me into this community beyond the campus of St. Mary, um, they have been the ones who are involved in ministries that I am constantly in contact with. So never, like, please do not underestimate um the importance that whatever ministry you are involved in, um, please do not underestimate the importance of that. Now, another one is uh serve with others at the Patino shelter or at St. Vincent, help assemble the buddy bags, serve on the funeral meal team. There's so many different opportunities to not only the live the works of mercy, but to build meaningful, faith-filled friendships at the parish. I also want to highlight um, you know, helping with youth group. We have our youth group up and running and it is it is glowing. Um, these kids are excited. I would really, really encourage you if you need like a glimmer of hope. If you just need a glimmer of hope or confidence of like the world's not all going to crap, because it's not. I really encourage you to contact our youth minister, Amy, and see how you can help with youth group. I probably the kids will blow you out of the water. Okay. And then another thing with the youth group is, you know, yes, we we we want you to volunteer. You know, we want we that's a great fruit for you. That's great, it's great for us, we need it. But also give your kids the gift of growing in faith without it being a formal educational experience. You know, we need both. We can teach our kids all the truths, doctrines, and teachings of the faith, and they can be A plus students in their religion classes, but by golly, we cannot leave out their formation of heart. Youth Group is an incredible, incredible opportunity for our kids to connect the dots between the things that they learn in the classroom and what they experience on a day-to-day basis. It's no longer abstract things that like you memorize for a test or write a paper on or do a worksheet on. It's like, oh wait, no, this actually applies to my life. And this is how. So I have a question box that is linked in the description every time. Um and I I especially like if you are in this community or and you you are in the community of St. Mary of the Woods in Whitesville, please use this question box and tell me where in your life do you want or need more support from the church, especially in regards to like your life of faith? Um please and please leave your name and your email address. And if you want to leave your phone number, awesome. Um, but please, if you submit something, please leave your name with it. Um, or some way for me to contact you. Help, help me help you, not just me, help, help us help you. Help the church help you. Uh we love you, we want you to live life in abundance. Um and so whenever it comes especially to our life of faith, um we're here for you, like we serve you. So um please, please, please get in that question box um and help me help you. And the last thing I want to say is I've got four resources listed there in the show notes. Um the first one is uh oh, the first one is Catholic News Agency, CNA. It's their article on UND's Church Life Journal study um about how like they actually urge a stronger faith community in order to prevent um or at least bring the numbers down of people who were raised Catholic and then leave the church. Uh the second one linked is UND study from the Church Life Journal. Uh the third one I have is from OSV, uh our Sunday visitor, and it's addressing the phenomenon of parish hopping, which particularly that's a huge thing in this area, you know, the Owensboro area. Um, and then Focus, the Fellowship of Catholic University students. They had a really great article there. Um, and though it's directed at young adults, it's still invaluable. Um it's how to pick a parish and why it matters. So, all of this together, um I think I think I'll uh our biggest takeaway is that, you know, none of us can do it alone. None of us can do it alone. I think my favorite thing that Father Brian says every time he baptizes a baby before he holds him up like Simba, um he he he he highlights every time the fact that it takes a village, it takes a village to raise our little people. Because the little people become big people. And then the big people raise the next little people. So it takes a village. Um, there are so many things that are so important, you know. We we cannot just rely on a formal religious education. Like that is that is invaluable. We have we have to have that, you know, we gotta have the words. Um we we have to know how to express our faith, how to express the encounters we have with the Lord, um, so that they may bring others closer to Him, um, so that we may be rightly understood. Um but it and and families can't do it alone either. You know, um we cannot isolate ourselves to just one thing, one way of practicing the faith. Um we we need the whole village. We need the whole village. So that's all I have for you all today. Um I hope that you have a lovely, lovely, lovely Advent season and Christmas season coming up. But until next time, I hope you have a blessed day.