E24: Why the Parish Community Matters in Raising Faithful Families

What role does a parish community actually play in forming our children’s faith?

Why can’t Catholic identity be handed on by families alone or by schools alone?

In this month’s episode of Catholicism 101, we look at the irreplaceable gift of parish life and how every family is strengthened through a living, breathing Catholic community.

Resources:

Study: 9 in 10 cradle Catholics leaving the Church; experts urge stronger faith community | Catholic News Agency

Religious Transmission: A Solution to the Church's Biggest Problem | Church Life Journal 

Addressing the Phenomenon of Parish Hopping | OSV

How to Pick a Parish (and Why It Matters!) | FOCUS

Have a question about the Faith you’d like to have answered on the Podcast? Submit it here: https://forms.gle/zorQwuUGtSdukzjc6

Transcript

·       In August of this year (2025), a study was released from the University of Notre Dame’s Church Life Journal revealing that 9 out of every 10 Cradle Catholics are leaving the Church. Even though we are seeing a rise in converts to Catholicism, for every one person who converts, about 9 or 10 Catholics are leaving. Per UND’s study, this translates to roughly 15 million Catholics gone from the Church. The majority of these ex-Catholics now identify their religion as “none.” 

o   There are countless reasons as to why this is happening, and many of us tend to latch onto one reason or another as being more of a problem than another, but here are the key reasons listed in UND’s study as to why so many people raised Catholic leave the Church—and they have to do with both personal relationships AND the wider culture as a whole.

§  Children are more likely to accept religious claims with a high level of confidence when both parents are on the same page. Interreligious marriages have become more common in the last century, which is not a bad thing in and of itself—actually they tend to be quite beautiful. But this does highlight the importance of discerning engagement and marriage, followed by marriage prep with the Church. If we want our kids to have a solid foundation of faith, then we need to at least recognize how important it is to be on the same page as our spouses when it comes to passing on the faith. 

·       It doesn’t stop with the family, though. When children are raised in a community where their extended families, friends, teachers, coaches, and neighbors share the same religious beliefs as their own family, then what is made important in the home is given credibility by their community.

·       Per UND’s study: “Wavering Catholics of, say, 1925 would have experienced a strong pull towards Catholic belief and practice from a close group of Catholic extended family, Catholic friends, and (often) Catholic neighbors and co-workers. Wavering Catholics of 2025, by contrast, experience a general sense that their religious beliefs are contested and their religious practices are optional—disaffiliation would bring comparatively little disruption to their personal relationships and way of life.”

o   This general sense against religion comes from our culture, but what, in particular, has caused this tension and vilification of religion?

§  “During the Cold War (1950s – early 1990s) Americans tended to conceive of themselves as a religious nation locked in a struggle with the godless Soviet Union. Rejecting religion was almost un-American.”

§  Just 10-15 years later, following the Terrorist Attack of 9/11, the presence of religious extremists in the media skyrocketed. Suddenly, our “external enemies” were no longer people who were godless or non-religious, but rather, too religious.

·       I often use the analogy of a pendulum swinging back and forth when explaining how things can go from one extreme to the opposite extreme rather quickly, because this cultural phenomenon happens constantly—and it happens rather personally, too.

§  As the fear of the Cold War and being on constant high-alert with the threat of being killed by godless people was thick in the air, the pendulum was already swinging in the other direction. In December of 1953, Hugh Hefner published the first issue of Playboy Magazine, launching what became the sexual revolution of the 1960s. 

·       This rapid shift in culture created a very wide gap between traditional Catholic Morality and the mainstream ethics of the American culture, and the gap is continuing to grow.

·       On top of these events, the Church was experiencing brokenness and chaos within her shepherds and members with the scandals of clergy sexual abuse. 

§  Throw in the rise of the internet, smartphones, social media, and various online communities—you end up in the religious and cultural chaos of today. 

·       So what do we do? 

o   We cannot throw the baby out with the bathwater and just say “well, everything has gone to crap and just needs to be tossed out.” Completely boycotting the internet or modern technologies is not the answer! 

§  For example, have you all seen just how much care and discernment the Vatican is using in advising us when using AI? They’re not saying to avoid it completely, but they are encouraging us to use critical thinking when engaging with it, AND they’re working constantly to give us guidelines for using these technologies morally.

§  The Church takes the evolution of culture seriously. Knowing that people are drawn to anything that reflects even an ounce of God’s goodness, beauty, or truth, the Church is constantly looking to affirm the goodness of the things that people desire, while also moderating it and speaking truth to the elements that are unjust, untrue, and harmful to the dignity of human life lived abundantly.

o   Predictors of Successful Religious Transmission (UND Study): “If someone is raised Catholic, what factors make it more likely that he or she will continue to practice the faith as an adult? A large body of rigorous social scientific research has made a good deal of headway on these questions. There are no silver bullets here, no guaranteed formulas, and faith is a gift from God—ultimately the Holy Spirit is in the driver’s seat, not us. But God wills to work through us as secondary causes, and hence with God’s help we can cooperate in removing some of the obstacles to faith that our youth experience. Here’s what we know helps.”

§  The parents are on the same page in regards to religious beliefs.

·       Again, interreligious marriages are beautiful and welcomed in the Church, but adequate marriage prep and awareness of how their potential differences in beliefs may impact their promise to raise children in the Church is especially important.

§  The parents’ marriage is intact.

·       The grace of God is especially at work in these situations as He can turn the deepest of heartbreaks into the greatest of occasions of grace. Entrusting yourself to the pastoral care and guidance of the Church and her shepherds in these tender places will help you give the Spirit more freedom to move and redeem the broken places of our hearts. 

§  The parents live their religion and it is evidently important to them.

·       When I meet with parents and Godparents who are having their first child Baptized I like to ask, “If someone were to ask your (God)child in a few years what is something that is important to you, even if you’ve never said it was important, what do you want him/her to be able to say?”

o   Actions speak louder than words, and kids pick up on our behaviors sooner than we may think. Things like consistently praying before meals, at bedtime, and in the morning may seem small, but they are incredibly impactful. 

·       This is part of the reason that the clergy sexual abuse scandal led to such a drastic decline in practicing Catholics—many of our spiritual fathers lost credibility by not only failing to practice what they preach, but by deeply wounding the people entrusted to their care.

§  Parents talk with their children about religion.

·       It is one thing for parents to practice the faith themselves, but actually talking about it with them is indispensable. Credibility goes both ways.

o   Words need to line up with actions. We can’t tell our children that “faith is important and that we always strive to put God first,” but then not make Sunday Mass a priority. It’s like saying “I love you,” but then never making sure they’re showered or have clean clothes. Empty words or actions that are conflicting always cultivate distrust.

o   We need to remind our kids with words of why we do what we do. If we are always saying no to Chick-fil-a after ball games and they never hear us tell explain that we want to get them something nice for Christmas instead of a $12 meal tonight, then they might just think that we’re being mean. When love is quiet, indirect, or unspoken, then our actions can become confusing or create doubt. Our kids need clarity and reassurance. 

§  A few other indicators of children remaining Catholic after leaving the family home:

·       Parents provide both warmth and structure; children form secure attachments to both parents.

·       As younger teenagers, they considered religious faith important in their daily life and were active in practicing that faith.

·       They attended Catholic High School

·       Many faith-supportive peer relationships

·       Many supportive Catholic adults—grandparents, friends’ parents, mentors, youth ministers, coaches, teachers, etc.

o   The Church recognizes that parents need social support for their faith too—we cannot give what we do not have!

§  Community is KEY not only for the development of our children’s relationship with God, but our own as well. Where do we find our local community of Catholics…?

·       An invitation from the Parish – St. Mary of the Woods

o   St. Mary of the Woods School & Trinity High School – Our Pre-K through 12 Catholic Schools are a cornerstone of this community, and rightly so. The faith is not only woven into the fabric of everything the students learn, but the relationships they build with one another are priceless. Not only that, but so are the relationships formed among parents, and everything is centered on our common Catholic Faith and aimed at growing in virtue and love of the Lord. Though a Catholic Education requires much sacrifice, being a product of Catholic Schools myself, I can say that it is truly one of the greatest gifts my parents have given me—even if I wasn’t always happy about it at the time.

o   Families of Faith – This is our formal religious education program required for students who attend public schools or homeschool. It’s a once-monthly gathering where your kids are in classrooms with their peers, receiving meaningful religious formation. Parents also gather in the library, away from the pressure of making sure their kid is behaving at the moment, to talk about religiously relevant topics—both concrete ways of how to talk about faith at home and learn/discuss things that we ourselves just find interesting as adults. We pray together and form bonds with Catholics within our own community that we know and trust. 

o   Adult Education – we have seasonal book clubs (Summer, Advent, & a parishioner-led one in Lent); I have resources at the office for people to form small groups and Bible studies; We’ve got this podcast (which, though it is fun for me to chat in your ear, isn’t meant to keep you isolated in your own personal faith, but help you grow with others)—share what you’ve learned with others or what you’ve found interesting; they just might need to hear it. And make it a point to catch up with them and talk about it—share faith! 

o   Stewardship – get involved in ministries! Yes, we are always needing Liturgical Ministers, but getting involved with parish ministries outside of Mass does wonders to build community. 

§  For example, being new to Whitesville 3 ½ years ago, it was incredibly intimidating to get to know the 3000ish people I’d be serving. The first people I got to know who have constantly affirmed me and welcomed me into the community beyond the campus of St. Mary have been the ones who are involved in ministries that I am constantly in contact with.

§  Serve with others at the Pitino Shelter or at St. Vincent, help assemble the buddy bags, serve on the funeral meal team—there are so many different opportunities to not only live out the works of mercy, but to build meaningful, faith-filled friendships at the Parish.

o   Youth Group – give your kids the gift of growing in faith without the pressure of it being a formal educational experience. We can teach our kids all the truths, doctrines, and teachings of the faith and they can be A+ students in their religion classes, but we cannot leave out their formation of heart. Youth Group is an incredible opportunity for our kids to connect the dots between the things they learn in the classroom with what they experience on a day-to-day basis. 

o   Awakening – every Fall we do a formal appeal of inviting friends and family back to rediscover their once-Catholic faith. Even though the appeal is in the Fall, we are always welcoming and happy to walk the journey with anyone who wants to come home to the Church of their Baptism.

o   QUESTION BOX: Where in your life do you want/need more support from the Church in your life of faith? Be sure to leave your name and email address—help us help you J