E28: The Joy of Life in Christ (with Ben Warrell)

In this month's episode of Catholicism 101, Ben Warrell joins us to share his testimony of walking with Christ in the Paschal Mysteries of everyday life, as well as over his own lifetime thus far.

Ben serves as the Camp Director at Gasper River Catholic Youth Camp & Retreat Center right outside of Bowling Green, KY in the Diocese of Owensboro.

If you are interested in learning more about camp, whether it be sending your own child, serving as a volunteer, or serving on summer staff, you can find more information on Gasper's website HERE, by calling 270-781-2466, or by emailing gasperriver@hotmail.com

Transcript

– Intro & Episode Overview

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hi friends, welcome back to another episode of Catholicism 101, Forever Learning and Living the Faith. Today, I know I'm always excited, but today I'm like really extra excited. Um because I have a just an absolute mentor, a dear friend of mine, uh Ben Warrell, with us today. And he he has just had the most profound impact on my faith life, my spiritual journey, and quite honestly, just my life as a whole. And so um I am just really honored that he said yes to being here today and sharing with us. So, Ben, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?

SPEAKER_02 0:40

Sure. Thank you, Emily. I'm really, really excited to be here and appreciate the opportunity. And so um my name is Ben Morrell. Uh I am the director of Gaspar River Catholic Youth Camp and Retreat Center here in the Diocese of Owensboro. Uh, we're located in the northwest part of Warren County down by Bowling Green. So uh we're closing in on 20 years. This is our 19th summer, 19th year of owning it. Next year will be 20 years. And so uh I was born in Tampa, Florida. I grew up in Indianapolis, Indiana, went to high school um in Elizabeth Town, uh just a long, crazy journey uh to bring me to camp. And so um, yeah, it's just been uh an amazing journey um that I've experienced. And so um, you know, I was born into a really strong Catholic family. Uh mom and dad were, you know, mass every weekend, even on vacation. They grab the phone book and look up where the nearest Catholic church was, what time masses were, and uh we were there. Um didn't matter if it was the middle of a vacation, we were going, uh, we were gonna, mom was not gonna let her boys miss Mass. And so um my folks were just wonderful, really devout Catholics. My oldest brother Paul died when I was real little. And so um, you know, my mom's faith uh through all that was just so powerful, left a really big impact um, you know, uh on me as a kid of wow, this is you know, I didn't know it was too young to really know what was going on, but um that you know, without her faith, she wouldn't have made it. And

– Guest Introduction: Ben Warrell

SPEAKER_02 2:10

so uh it was just kind of beautiful watching them navigate those struggles um and and tough things. And so um I ended up, again, just a really great uh childhood, but um experienced some abuse at the hands of a family member. And um yeah, I just remember as a 10-year-old kid just sitting there thinking, okay, Lord, if this is who you are, man, God, I don't want anything to do with you. You know, why didn't you protect me? Why why did you let this stuff happen? And so uh I was just really angry at God for uh a long time. And um, yeah, I I went through the motions. I did everything you're supposed to do as a good Catholic kid, but I didn't learn a thing. I didn't care about any of it. It was just going through the motions. And um, you know, as I grew older and and got to drive, it was like I'm I'm gonna go later mass and drive myself, is what I tell my parents, and then I'd skip and go somewhere else and um you know meet some friends or something. And um I just faith wasn't that big a deal for me. And so um, even being confirmed, the only reason I went to get confirmed was to check out girls from the other school. You know, again, I couldn't tell you one thing I learned from confirmation classes, and um and it was just uh yeah, my whole life was really just kind of centered on on me and my hurt, and um, I was just a scared and and angry kid growing up. Um, and uh, you know, my at the end of every school year, our church um did a uh a retreat, and so um the junior retreat was a really powerful experience for my older brother, he was a couple years older than me. Um, but he was um it was really powerful impact on him and and several of his friends, and they're like, you gotta go, you gotta go. And so, of course, I skipped. Um, and then they're like, Okay, you're not skipping your senior retreat. And so uh it came up to be at the end of the school year um that okay, we had our our last dance of the school year was that same weekend, and uh, this girl wanted me to ask her out, and that got back to me, and I was like, I wanted to ask her out, and I was like, no, I'm not going. And um, literally, my my older brother and his friends dragged me to that experience, and I I went kicking and screaming, and I did not want to be there. And you know, just even being at the table, those first few talks and that first night, I just kind of made it abundantly clear I didn't want to be there, I didn't want to participate. I just kind of sulked while I was there. But with this really beautiful, powerful um uh adoration experience, and um, you know, in that moment, uh, could just feel this tingling from my head, uh just like turning on a shower, just letting that water wash over you. I could just feel this sensation pouring all the way over my body. And it was just like Jesus just had had me wrapped in this giant hug, and it was just like, oh my gosh, this is this is the love of Christ that everybody's been talking about, you know? And um that was that was my encounter moment, and that was just such a a powerful thing. And um, again, it's just beautiful how the Holy Spirit works because it happened at the end of my senior year. And if that retreat had been at the beginning, I don't I don't know that I would have been strong enough to live out my faith, uh, the way I was living uh my life and the decisions I was making at that time. And so it was kind of nice that that happened at the end of my senior year because there's only a couple weeks of school left, and um, you know, and next thing you know, you graduated and moved on. And um I I knew how I wanted to be, um, but I didn't know that I had the strength to do that. And so it was kind of easy those last couple of weeks.

– Life in Christ & Personal Testimony

SPEAKER_02 5:45

I could be who I wanted to be, and we're moving on. And so um, yeah, and so you know, I told the church I wanted to be involved, I wanted to help out, and uh nothing, didn't hear from them, and it's like, okay, next year it's like a going to community college, like I want to be involved, I want to help out, and nothing. And so I'm like, okay, so where do I go now? My faith kind of wavered a little bit, and um, you know, just as a young man trying to figure things out. And so um I ended up uh applying for this church camp position. My brother actually had the application first, and um, he got a job at the country club so he could play golf. And he was like, here, man, fill this out if you need a job. And man, I'd seen meatballs. I knew Bill Murray could work at a camp. So it's like, yeah, if he can do it, I can do it. And so um I filled out the application and um uh went down there and had my interview and felt like everything went great. And um I was gonna be gone the last week of camp. And their director was like, any way you can change that? I'm like, no, or it's a trip that we've already paid for. And um I said, I'm I'm gonna be, I have to be gone that week. I can't lose that money. I can't afford not to go. And um, he was like, okay. And so uh they called me a couple of days later and just said, Thank you for applying, but um you know, we're not gonna hire you. And so I was like, uh, okay, um, what am I gonna do now? And so um, you know, I wasn't sure. I figured I'd go flip burgers or do something just to make a little bit of money. And uh I had a buddy at that time that was in the Navy down in Puerto Rico, and um he's like, dude, come down and and hang out with me for a while. And so uh my dad worked for Delta Airlines, so I got to fly for free, so that's the only reason I could go. But um, man, I hopped on a plane. Um but right before that, though, uh at my mom's house, um, walking out the door, and she had a phone right by the back door, and she was out in the driveway in the car, and I'm just carrying my stuff ready to go. And as soon as I put my hand on the back door to open it, uh, the phone rang. And um, you know, I normally I just would have walked out the door, but this voice kind of in my head just said, answer it, answer it. And so I answered the phone, and it was that camp director, and he was like, Hey, Holy Spirit's been putting your name into my mind um ever since your interview. Like, I really feel like you're supposed to be here. Um, we'll figure out something in that last week. Will you take the job? And I hadn't heard back from any of the other things that I applied to, so I was like, Yeah, I'll take the job, absolutely. And so I was like, all right, I got something to come back to at least. And so I got on the um got on the plane, went down to Puerto Rico and just had a great time. We played golf every day, went to the beach. Um uh every night we were in this these bars. And uh the last night uh that we were there, I was getting ready to leave the next morning. The the guy who owned the bar came up to me and he's like, Man, you're a big dude. I could uh I could use you as a bouncer. You know, I'll start you off paying you this much. I own a hotel on the beach. Um, and uh he's like, I'll I'll put you up, I'll teach you to make drinks so you'll make even more money. What do you say, man? What do you say? And all I could think about was like, this is my dream, man. This is what I want. I'm a Florida boy. I want to live on the beach, you know? And uh my grandfather was always like, you know, let your yes be yes and let your no be no. And um I was just like, okay, I told that guy yes. And I'm like, man, I can't. I already have a job that I told the guy I was gonna do. And um he was like, even well, if it doesn't work out, give me a call, man, and come back because I'd love to have you here. And so um that's the only reason I got back on the plane. Um, and again, looking back now, I can see that was the Holy Spirit, you know, with that phone call. Um, when that was the Holy Spirit speaking to the directors, um, you know, just subconscious of

– Joy in the Paschal Mystery

SPEAKER_02 9:30

putting my name in there of like, because God had an idea of what he wanted for me that I was totally clueless about. And so um I got on the plane and came back, and that first week, you know, uh first week of staff training, I'm sitting there with all these uh Protestant kids and they're they're raising their hands up and singing out loud, and I'm sitting there like, where am I? What have I gotten myself into? This is so awkward and uncomfortable. Um, you know, and and I again I eventually kind of grew and um into that. But that first week of camp, um, man, kids were just coming up to me, and it was just like I was just cool and looked up to by them just because I was on the staff there. And um they didn't care about my history, they just want to care, they cared about how did Jesus impact my life and you know, and can I share that with you? And um, man, it was just uh amazing. And I remember sitting, um, there was a place up on top called Vesper Hill. Um uh was a they did a passion play kind of skit. And I remember up there one night just thinking, Lord, where is this for Catholic kids? What if I'd gone to a camp like this when I was a kid? You know, could I have worked through forgiveness? Could I work through uh understanding your love as a fifth grader instead of waiting until I was a senior in high school? And so that kind of laid on my heart there of like, maybe I'm supposed to do something for Catholic kids. And so um, you know, a year later the director was gone, and I was kind of in the office, and I went up and got the mail, and I'm opening up this letter, and it's from uh this lady named Melinda Prunty, and Melinda was the director of youth ministry for the diocese of Owensboro at the time. And so uh she was like, Hey, I grew up United Methodists. I went to Aldersgate, which is Lukon's sister camp on the other side of Lexington, and uh she was just like I converted and I work for the Catholic Church now, and my dream is to have a Catholic camp. And I just like remember being so excited, like, that's my dream too, that's my dream too. Oh my gosh. And so I wrote her back right away. In fact, she still has the letter. So I need so I can get a copy of that from her. So um, but I told her that was my dream as well, too. And so um, you know, I just uh I worked at that camp, but that's really where my faith came alive. Um, because it was working at a at a Protestant church camp, it was like, oh, you're the Catholic guy. Why do you guys believe this? And I'm like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Right. And I'm like, let me do some research and I'll get back to you. And um, there's a great Catholic community there in Litchfield, and um, you know, I met my wife, my future wife, uh, there, and uh, we ended up getting married, but um, you know, and graduated school and came back to work there full-time, both of us. And uh it was just a really neat experience and and just continual growing and growing and growing in faith. And I hadn't heard from Melinda for years, and finally my mom called and said, Hey, that Melinda lady was looking for you. And so I gave her um, you know, Lukan's phone number, but here she gave me her number, so you can call her. And so I talked with her, and she was like, Hey, Bishop McGraith said we can get together and talk about uh a Catholic camp, not making any promises, but he's like, I'm gonna talk to you about a Catholic camp, or you guys can talk about it and we'll see where it goes. And so we had like our first meeting, and uh, you know, I'm not sure. Like, yeah, I love the place where I work. Some of my best friends in the world um are there that I'm still in touch with, you know, all these years later. And uh, you know, I just I loved being there. I loved doing, you know, just all the camp things there. And when I first started uh in '93, there was this one Catholic group. Um that just continued to grow and grow and grow. And when I left there in 2005, there were 17 Catholic schools and parishes that use that property. And most of them were from the diocese of Owensboro. And so, you know, they all said the same thing. They love the outdoors, they love the setting, they love the environment, um, but uh they wanted something, they love the activities, but they wanted something with a Catholic identity. And so that kind of gave me some hope, like, okay, there's some, there's some momentum building here. And so we had our first meeting, our first meeting of our dreaming committee. And uh, again, I'm not sure, like, is this something I want? Is this something the Holy Spirit wants? What am I doing? Um, and I've come to realize that all all through my life, it's a it's been a series of, okay, Lord, do I trust you? That this is my life with Christ. Do I really trust you? Am I really going to step out? Um, and so I go to this meeting and um kind of stepping out because I was nervous as I'll get out, and I didn't know anybody there. I talked to Melinda on the phone a couple of times, but that was the first time I met her in person. And uh this guy sits down next to me and uh introduced myself. And uh his name was Brother Ken Grondin. And at the time he was the Catholic, um, the campus minister at Brescia University. And um, he just looked really tired, like exhausted. And the meeting was like at 9 a.m. And so, you know, after we had a little bit of small talk, I was like, Brother Ken, are you okay? I said, You look a little tired. And he was like, um, he said, I was in New Jersey. I said, I took the red eye this morning. I had to be at the airport at 3 a.m. to get here. And uh he's like, I'm I'm just wiped out, man. It's been a long day already. I was like, Yeah, I understand. I said, Well, my mom's from New Jersey, so you know, where uh where were you? And he's like, it's

– Finding Christ in Daily Life

SPEAKER_02 14:50

kind of a big state, densely populated. I'm like, yeah, I know, but I said, I've got family still there all over. And he's like, Well, I taught at Bergen Catholic for 14 years. I was like, okay. I said, Yeah, you know that big yellow house at the bottom of the hill on Ordell and Prospect Avenue right on the corner. And he just slowly turned his head and looked at me and he's like, I walked by that house every day for 14 years. I was like, Yeah, that's my grandfather's house. Same block in New Jersey that Bergen Catholic's on. And he's like, um, you know, he was just like, oh my gosh, the Holy Spirit has a hand in this. I was like, Yeah, you know, I spent every Christmas in the Fourth of July just down the hill from you. And so it was just kind of really neat. And that was just a reassurance from the Holy Spirit of like, hey, trust me, I've got this. You know, you just say yes, continue to say yes, continue to come along for the ride. And so um, you know, things just progressed and progressed. And uh we ended up looking at some different pieces of property, and a friend who was um a youth minister and uh preacher in the Methodist church called and said, Hey, I just did a wedding out at this place. If you guys are looking for a camp, this would be perfect. And so we looked at several different pieces of property, and uh Gasper River was the last one we looked at because we had presented to all the bishops to see, hey, is this something we do in the E Town, Bargettown area for the entire state to use? Because that's kind of centrally central to the whole state. Um, and Bishop John uh McGraith just said, you know, the the bishops talked about it more than they talked about anything in a long time, but they were just like young people in risk. Like we just, you know, it's not long after the scandal. They're just like, we don't, that's just too big a risk, we don't want to take it. And so we kind of thought we were done. But uh Melinda called me a couple of days later and said, Hey, I you know, saw Bishop John in the hallway, and he said, Well, let's keep going, let's see what the Holy Spirit says. And so um, we went and we looked at all these different pieces of property, and um, we ended up the last one was at Gaspar River, and we stood on the back porch of what's now McGraith Lodge, and Father Andy Gardner was part of that committee, and we stood there and he's like, That river is the epitome of be still and know that I'm God. He's like, This is the place. This is the place. And so um, you know, again, uh just so many different things happened. Um, you know, uh I'm Sister Joseph Angela was the chancellor, chief financial officer at the time for the diocese, and she was like, Um, okay, you're gonna talk to the administration committee. You have eight minutes. You have eight minutes. So I'm rehearsing everything I'm gonna say. I'm rehearsing and rehearsing. I've got this down to like six minutes plus one minute for people, you know, one, two minutes for people to ask questions. And so um, I go in, like all these people are in suits and priests, and you know, I'm just like, wow, these are the movers and shakers in the diocese. And um, I'd taken one of them, uh, Charlie Camff. We had gone down to the property and uh Charlie knows knew real estate really well. And so he looked at it and he was like, this is gonna be a great investment. You know, uh, this is we need to do this. And so you know, my opening line was like, you know, I took Charlie down there. Um, Charlie, you want to share a few words about what you saw? And I'd kind of blocked off about a minute for Charlie. And uh, if you didn't know Charlie, um eight minutes later, Sister J. A has just given me the nod, saying, okay, time to go. I never said another word. So uh Charlie Campbell kind of sold the idea. And as I was walking out, um, JA just kind of laughed and she was just shaking her head at me. And uh as I was walking out, I heard one of the people on the committee just say, Well, if Charlie thinks this is a good idea, then this is something we probably should do. And so um we we purchased that that property, and uh, like I said, it'll be 20 years ago next June. Um, and uh again, just some beautiful things that have happened along the way, uh, vocations to priesthood and religious life, uh, marriages, um, DREs and youth ministers uh all around our diocese, religion teachers, uh, teachers in our Catholic schools. Um, eight Catholic school teachers in our diocese now that are former staff. And so um just kind of it's been amazing um just to see what has happened. In fact, a few years ago, I was at um Focus in St. Louis, and um, you know, they have their big floor with all the you know different Catholic organizations, and um, we had a little booth there. And so I had taken a break and I was walking um just up and down. Every single aisle that I went down was, hey Ben, Ben. And I turn and look. It was one of our former staff, you know, one working for a battered women's shelter, one working for a right to life group, uh, a couple of them working at some different camps across the country. And I was like, oh my gosh, this is so cool that little diocese of, yeah, little old diocese of Owensboro and people from here are not just having an impact in our diocese, but are going out and beyond as well, too. And so um just it really has just blown my mind how the Holy Spirit has worked. And it was real early, you know, second or third summer, and I just remember Father Mike Williams was our chaplain, and it was just an incredibly powerful week of camp. And um, you know, uh just standing there with Father Mike and um and these kids are just crying and and saying goodbye on a Friday. And I just looked at Father Mike and said, Man, what did we ever do to deserve this? And he was just like, You said yes to Christ. We both said yes to Jesus, and man, that just hit me really hard of wow, all the good things in my life were from saying yes to Jesus, of of trusting him, even when it's scary. Um, you know, one story I kind of forgot, uh, but I'll throw in real quick was um Bishop McGraith

– Suffering, Faith & Perseverance

SPEAKER_02 20:15

pulled me aside. This was before we bought the camp, and he was just like, Okay, he said, I have a grant so I can pay you for a year. You have 12 months to prove to me that one, our our diocese wants a camp, and then two, they'll financially support it. And um he's like, I don't need an answer right now. You need to talk about this and pray with this with your wife, and we'll figure out uh what's gonna happen from there. And I just remember going down to the parking lot and just crying. I mean, just like, am I gonna I met my wife at this place, my best friends in the world are at this place. I love what I do, and I'm gonna give up that job that I love for an opportunity that has no guarantee that after a year it could be like, okay, you know, that's it. I'm sorry, didn't work out. And um, and I just faith felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. And um gosh, it was just so such a heavy moment. And um, and we did. We went home and Susan and I prayed and um talked about it and prayed, and several days later, um, we were just eating cereal at breakfast, and um I was like, What do you think? And she's like, I think you need to do it. And I was like, I think I need to do it as well, too. And so again, stepping out in faith and just trusting, okay, it's kind of like that moment where Peter's in the boat and the storm's raging, and it's like, okay, um do I trust you, Lord? You're calling me to step out, but do I have the courage to do that? And um, those moments, um, boy, just looking back, I can see so many of them in my life of just how uh God was there for me and God has never let me down, and He's just been so faithful, and um just the the the The beauty of that and the blessings that come from that are just overpowering and just so much better than what I wanted for myself, even. You know, in fact, our old camp house was falling down, and uh so they the diocese uh uh got money for us to build a new house. And so um we're going through stuff just trying to downsize, and I'm going through this report from college where I had to design my own camp, and uh I got an A on it, but I'm just like, this really isn't very good at all. Like, what was I thinking, man? This kind of stinks, you know, why would I put this there and this there and that that, you know? I'm like, this is yeah, and then it kind of hit me. I'm like, oh yeah, you're comparing your dream versus God's reality. And God's reality that he brought you to at Gaspar River is so much better than your little project there. And and um, and that's just kind of how it's been of like, yeah, when I can, when I can step out of the boat and keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, when I can trust him and say, okay, here we go, Lord, um, that's life with Christ. That yeah, this is scary as I'll get out. And I don't know the future, but you're already there, and I'm gonna trust that. And um, you know, I think one of the big uh lies people fall for is, I'm gonna pick up my cross and follow Jesus. This is gonna be easy. And it's like, man, Jesus does not promise it to be easy, but he does promise to be with us on the journey, and that's that's it. Every step of the way, he has been there, you know. And in fact, we had a chance to do a capital campaign um just a couple years ago, and uh it was shot down um by the diocese. And um, man, I went running to the chapel and I was just so frustrated and kind of mad. And uh I was like, okay, God, like, what gives, man? Really? We we've come this far. This is the next logical step in my head, all these different things, this needs to happen. Why? You know, why did it why was it shot down? And I just kind of sat there in silence and I just heard this voice, clear as day, just say, When have I ever let you down? And I'm like, dang it. Thank you, Holy Spirit. Man, I have another, you know. It's just like, man, just uh, you're right, Lord. Everything I've asked you for, you've provided. Everything we've needed, you've provided. Not in my time, but in your time. Just help me to know that and help me to trust that. Um, and again, as we keep moving forward, um, I know it's gonna happen and I know it's gonna be even bigger and better than what I had envisioned. And so um, you know, my our faith, we just think, oh, it's this one-time moment. Let's let us have this conversion. Um, but it's it's a whole lifetime, you know, it's a whole lifetime of, okay, I've had that encounter moment, my senior year, but it's um every day and several a lot of days, it's multiple times a day of, okay, Lord, I'm I trust you. I'm scared as I'll get out, but I trust you, and I'm gonna step out and do what you're calling me to do. And um it's that's our conversion. It's a lifetime thing. It's not just a moment and then, okay, I'm good, I'm set. Like, no, it's every day waking up and choosing, choosing Jesus and let your will be done, Lord, not mine. And um, some days I'm real good at that. A lot of days I'm not very good at that at all. And so um, yeah, just uh that's what I've learned in these you know soon-to be 55 years. That I'm those moments when I'm able to trust him and step out, great things happen. And it's when I get scared and take my eyes off him, I'm like Peter, and I start sinking and save me, Lord, help me know. And um, and I do, I feel like God says that to me a lot. Oh, you have little faith. Why did you doubt? I'm like, why have I not figured this out after all these years? You have never ever let me down. Why do yeah, why do I doubt? But um, I don't know, I guess just our human nature, but um uh yeah, I'm just I'm amazed that um all those moments when I'm able to choose him, the the beauty that comes from that. And that's that's life with Christ. And there's struggles and hurts and all kinds of crazy things. My wife's had cancer two times, and um, you know, just uh all kinds of things through life, but God is there with us and there's peace that comes from that. And again, it's do I choose do I trust you? Do I choose you? And um, yeah, that's my that's my life with Christ. So yeah. Beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 26:21

Did you um have you watched The Passion of the Christ recently?

SPEAKER_02 26:28

No, because you had to pay for it on our streaming stuff, and I didn't I was like, oh, where is this? It's been free the last few years, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:35

So I watched it for the first time in probably 10 years. Yeah. Um

– What “Joy in Christ” Really Means

SPEAKER_01 26:40

that on Good Friday, because I've you know, I tell people, I'm like, if you've never watched it, you know, kind of brace yourself. But it's something you've got to watch at least once. And I hadn't watched it in probably over 10 years. Oh my gosh, yeah, it's been over 10 years. Uh but um I finally like sat down on Good Friday. I was like, okay, I yeah, I gotta do this. And I saw, I was like, oh, it's behind a paywall on Prime. And I sat there, I was like, well, I tried, and then it was, you know, that prick of the Holy Spirit, it's like you didn't try hard enough, sister. Didn't try hard enough. Um, but I watched it.

SPEAKER_02 27:19

You got the $3.50.

SPEAKER_01 27:22

I was like, I guess you're worth three dollars and fifty cents, Lord. Oh my goodness. Like, that could have bought me a slushie. But the one thing that stuck out to me that I wasn't expecting, I did not remember at all from the first time. And you know, I've forgotten it was in a different language, and I thought I got the wrong one at first. I was like, oh, there goes 350. But you know, you you get the subtitles, and it's whenever Jesus takes up his cross, and they've already got the two thieves out there, and they've already, you know, they've got the crossbars tied, kind of like looking like a yoke.

SPEAKER_03 27:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Right. And they take Jesus and they kind of like, you know, they're whipping him the entire time, and they like throw him on the ground, and he falls and like embraces the cross. And one of the thieves yells at him, You fool, why do you embrace your cross, you fool?

SPEAKER_03 28:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:18

And as you've been, you know, sharing your story this whole time, that has just rung in my ear the entire time. It's like, you fool, why do you embrace your cross? And it's both, you know, it's like, hey, thinking of getting to work at camp. It's like you're gonna feel like an absolute fool. You're gonna feel like a silly little fool. You're gonna feel kind of like almost you might feel like this is a foolish decision. You know, you're working out at camp, you're not making that much. No, I hear it's gotten better. And I'm very glad for them. Um I I wouldn't trade those two summers for the world. Um, but it's like you're gonna feel like a fool, both in a silly way and also like, is this a mistake? Like, I could probably be doing internships or career things right now, but like, okay, cool, I'm here. Um but again, I like the silliness too of like it's act like a fool for Christ. Um and you know, personally, the amount of times I've had like old staff or even even Crystal was like, you know, I I I remember these silly things you used to do, and it it just still makes me smile to this day. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, I was such a fool, you know, and and even though that's Yeah, but that's David too.

SPEAKER_02 29:37

Yeah. Um dancing in front of the ark. And I'm like, I'm yeah, I'll make a fool of me. You can make fun of me all I want, but I'll I'll be a fool for Christ. You know, I'll be a fool for God. And um, and that's the beautiful thing to be able to look back on those memories of your time at camp and just know that God used you as an instrument to touch the heart of a young person, you know? And I mean, that is such a powerful thing, and it's such a humbling thing as well, too. Of wow, and and believe me, you guys have heard my story. If God can use me, he can use anybody, he can use absolutely anybody. And um, yeah, it is, it's uh it's a great thing of just and again, it just comes to that surrender. Will I surrender? Is Jesus really the Lord of my life? Or do I just kind of say that and then live my life a different way, but still go through the steps? But am I really willing to surrender? Um, you know, I think about Nicodemus um in uh the chosen, of having those great conversations with Jesus, and Jesus like, come follow me. And um, he is right there. He's on the verge of making that commitment to leave everything and give up his stature and influence and power, and he can't do it. And he just leaves a little bag of money and he's just like, Jesus, like, oh, so close, you know. Um, and that's but that's us when we have that choice. Do I want, do I choose what I desire or am I willing to choose what God desires for me? And um, and again, it's not always easy, and a lot of times it's really scary. Um, but golly, if I can look back on every single one of those moments uh in my life of saying yes to Christ, so worth it. So worth it. So yeah. Not that it hadn't been a struggle, not that it hadn't been scary, not that it hasn't been really, really difficult, but it's worth it. And it's so worth it to see a young person come to know Jesus and have that encounter moment as a fifth grader, a sixth grader instead of as a senior or even older. Oh my gosh. And some of these kids, their faith at camp just blows me away because they go home and they wanna, they want to share it with their parents. And um, you know, since COVID, since we were open since COVID, we've had one kid or their family has joined the church. Um, they've just came to camp with friends and they've joined the church because of their experience at camp. Um, you know, one girl was just after an adoration, just sobbing into my chest. And she's like, that's not a piece of bread. That's really Jesus. Like, how do I become Catholic? And I'm like, wow. You know, to be able to be there

– Humility & Being Occupied with Christ

SPEAKER_02 32:10

and get to be a part of that moment um for a young person is just such a beautiful and powerful thing. And so um, yeah, just super blessed and grateful for your time for your yes out there and your yes um as DRE here at St. Mary of the Woods as well, too. God's still using you in those moments and prepping people, and um, even when they're not aware of it, they'll those seeds are being planted. And that's that's a beautiful thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:36

Yeah. You know, there are times where kind of going back to the you fool, you fool. It it's sometimes I feel like I'm the thief, but I'm also Jesus at the same time. It's like I'm talking to myself, you know, you fool, you embrace your cross, you fool, why are you doing this? Like this is the dumbest thing. Like, why do you like why do you love your cross? Because that's just what are you doing? It's like killing you. Um and you know, something I've been experiencing over the course of about a year has been just an absolute demolition of pride. An absolute demolition of pride.

SPEAKER_03 33:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:16

And that is like one of the hardest things, especially when it's like you don't realize how prideful you are. And then it's like, hey, that's a hint right there.

SPEAKER_02 33:28

Yeah. Um, that's also the greatest of the deadly sins. So if we can abolish that in our lives, wow.

SPEAKER_01 33:35

And so that's the one I think that so far that I've experienced has hurt the most.

SPEAKER_02 33:41

Um Yeah, I'll tell kids at camp a lot. It's like, yeah, Jesus tells us, pick up your cross and follow me. What happened to Jesus when he picked up his cross? Yeah. Yeah, he fell under it three times. He'd already been beaten within an inch of his life.

SPEAKER_03 33:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:52

He's humiliated, and everybody that cared about him ran away except for his mom and a few uh her friends. And uh, I mean, just it's not gonna be easy. Uh, but oh my gosh, it is so worth it.

SPEAKER_01 34:05

And just getting whipped the entire gag on time.

SPEAKER_02 34:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:08

But man, um, like you know, going back to like Lent was rough. Lent was for some reason incredibly rough this year. But then, you know, I I have the joy of walking with people who want to become Catholic or just learn more about the faith in OCIA. And we actually had OCIA last night and we did our reflection on the Easter Vigil experience. And um that I say that every year, that that is my absolute favorite mass of the year. Like if you ask me what my favorite holiday is, heck with Christmas. You know, like I love Christmas for its own reasons, but the day I look forward to most every single year is the Easter Vigil.

SPEAKER_02 34:48

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 34:49

And, you know, Father Brian was saying last night that in his 30 years of priesthood, he has never physically felt the potency and the power of the Holy Spirit as he's laying hands on our 10 like candidates.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

And at this point, newly baptized as well. Yeah, you know. And he's like the all of their bodies were trembling, like trembling. Um and you know, as he went down the line and he started with the candidates and then he moved to those who were recently baptized, and they're all in this one line. He was like, every single person, like the next person I went to, they were trembling more than the last. Yeah, you know, and finally, like the last guy, he was like, he was like he was shaking.

SPEAKER_02 35:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:34

Um, and he was like, never.

SPEAKER_02 35:41

But um Archbishop Kelly laid his hands on my head, and I could feel something coming over me, and I was like, Okay, what is this? What are you doing, man? This is weird. Like, yeah, and again, I had had no interest, but again, Jesus was right there with me and um and just embracing me even in that moment. Um, and I knew something was happening. I didn't know what, but um, because I hadn't paid attention and I had learned. But uh like I said, I knew something, and I just remember like just being kind of wow, you know, being able to look back at that. Um again, another one of those moments of um even when we're just going through the motions, God is faithful. And um, and He is all the time whispering, Hey, I'm here. And that was one of those moments of, hey, wake up, buddy, you know, open your eyes, I'm right here with you. Um, and yeah, and it's just had to wait until I was ready to receive that message. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:40

The other thing that's coming to mind too is you know, in a really funny way, you can ask any Catholic, it's like, hey, does confession sometimes scare you? Is confession like kind of hard for you? Majority of us are gonna say yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:57

Like that's a cross in and of itself. But at the same time, it's like I love confession. Not because it's like I can skip on in and there's still an inherent pride there, but it's like this is one of the hardest things for me to do. But I never feel more peace, more joy. Like I'm I'm an emotion, I'm an emotional lady. I know that's a huge shock. But um, like every single time those words of absolution are said over me, and you know, he says, I absolve you of your all your sins in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, like the physical weight I feel lifted off my shoulders, the tension in my neck. I mean, I'm like, I feel like I'm getting a massage from the Holy Spirit, just about.

SPEAKER_03 37:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:50

And it's like, you know, we we hear a lot of our Protestant brothers and sisters, it's like confession sounds like the worst thing ever. And that's a lot of holdup. Like that's a huge holdup for a lot of people who even for converts that still struggle.

SPEAKER_02 38:05

Oh my gosh, yes.

SPEAKER_01 38:06

Yeah, very much so. And it's one of those things where it's like, you fool, why do you like what the heck? Like, that's that's such why does anyone else need to know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:16

One of my favorite things at camp on Thursday mornings we have confessions after breakfast and uh our first little uh faith teaching and um 10 a.m. on Thursday mornings we have confession. And I always try and position myself in this one spot where I can see where like we have four or five confessionals set up, because my favorite thing is seeing kids come out of the confessional. Like they go in one way and they're coming out reborn, they're new. And um, that's just such a beautiful thing. And yeah, just that that weight of um, you know, that was one of the most powerful things that I was able to do was uh forgive my abuser. And a priest friend walked me through this whole

– Faith in Trials & Trusting God

SPEAKER_02 38:55

process, you know, for this wasn't just a one-time thing, it was multiple. And um that moment that I could forgive from my heart, oh my gosh, it literally felt like 500 pounds was taken off my shoulders and just a freedom. Um, and that's how I feel coming out of confession as well, too. That yeah, I used to hate it. And now it's just like, oh shoot, I just messed that look. Yeah, hey, Father, you got time. But it is such a beautiful thing. What a loving God that we have that knows that we're gonna mess up and that we are gonna choose our own way so many times. But his love and mercy is so great. It's like, come back, try again. Come on, I'm there with you, come back, try again. I didn't go through all this passion stuff just for you to try one time and freak you know and give up, but yeah. Keep coming.

unknown 39:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:43

And something else that uh I think Father Father Brian pointed it out last night. He was like, you know, our love for the Eucharist keeps like it it it your love for the Eucharist grows so so much, and like you stay close to the Eucharist, you will encounter times where like you are faced with a decision of it's like if I do this, I cannot receive communion on Sunday.

SPEAKER_03 40:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:09

And it's like that is when like there's kind of a line drawn in the sand, and it's like you're at a fork in a road, and it's like, what am I going to do? Yeah, what am I going to do? Um, and it's in those moments where it's like, Jesus, you've got to help me. Jesus, you've got to help me. And sometimes, like, if we're honest, the spirit's willing, but the flesh is so weak.

SPEAKER_02 40:32

Absolutely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:33

And so, you know, then even more so, you like you're kind of beating yourself up, and you go to mass, and we were talking with the OCIA people last night, and they're like, you know, for the longest time I felt like an outsider because I couldn't receive communion. I felt like I was on the outside. And as time went on, I got more and more hungry for it. As I started to understand what it was and grow in love for the church and like the Eucharist and know that this is so powerful, I was like starving for it.

SPEAKER_02 41:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:06

And so, you know, some of the sponsors we were talking, and I was like, it's kind of this like one of the sponsors pointed out first. She was like, It's kind of the same. Like whenever you go to Mass, and as a Catholic, you can't receive communion that day. You feel like an absolute outsider. Yeah. Um, and it's honestly, it's experiences like that too, where it's we were talking before this, the Lord works all things for our good, even our own like shortcomings.

SPEAKER_02 41:33

And like I said, breaking that pride of ours.

SPEAKER_01 41:35

Oh, he works all things for our good.

SPEAKER_02 41:38

Yeah. Oh, have to go receive communion. What if they see me not receiving communion, you know, that you know he's not in a state of grace, or she's not in a state of like, yeah. I mean, and yeah, it's a prideful thing.

SPEAKER_01 41:50

Working for the church is one of the most terrifying but most beautiful, rewarding things I have ever done. But it's also like those experiences where it's like, oh my good Lord, I never want to do that ever again. I never want to experience mass like that ever again.

SPEAKER_03 42:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:08

And so it's like next time you approach that crossroads, it's like, hey Jesus, you're still gonna have to send me a lot of grace because I know I need you. But like also remind me how awful that was. And it's it it it that is like the grace of confession and action too.

SPEAKER_02 42:26

I go back to my son Paul. Um, oh my gosh, when he was in second grade, just he had a countdown going until he could receive the Eucharist. And then for months afterward, he like he counted how many times he had received Jesus. And I was just like, how beautiful. And that did so much for me. And that actually, I think, helped my wife uh with RCIA at the time and in joining the church. If she saw his excitement for it and and wanted that, wanted to be able to partake in this as a family. And um, yeah, just uh that faith of a child, you know, just such a beautiful, just pure and innocent thing of um, yeah, I'm not questioning Lord. I'm just I'm trusting you, and you're Jesus. Of course I'm gonna trust you. There's no doubt, you know, and there's no pride there. It's just I love you, Lord, and that's what I need to be more like.

SPEAKER_01 43:18

I will never forget the night after like of my first communion. Like, you know, you it was like at 9:30 mass, and we're getting ready to go to bed that night. I'm in second grade. My sister's in what, like fifth grade? I don't know. I'm not a math person, my human calculator is not here. And I was like, I can't wait to go to mass next Sunday. And my sister, like, we're laying on my parents' bed, and she's like, It's just because you can receive communion now. And I was I remember looking at her being like, isn't that kind of the point?

SPEAKER_02 43:48

Exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:49

And I I doubt that she remembers that, but I that was the first time I was like, wait a minute. Like, that's kind of the whole point now. Like, I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm like Really Catholic now.

SPEAKER_03 44:01

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:02

But man, yeah, that that joy that comes after like the struggle and the waiting, and even as a second grader, like just being hungry for the Eucharist, and how much the fourth and fifth graders are telling you it tastes like cardboard.

SPEAKER_02 44:17

And that's just yeah, that's my prayer is that we never get tired of that. We always have that desire for the Eucharist for that. And um that same passion, that same excitement, and yeah, that craving. And um, you know, Emma's one of the things too, even working at a at a Protestant camp, I'd be like, if you really believe that, then why aren't you in the chapel all the time? Why aren't you spending time with Jesus? If you really believe that that is that bread in that little box in there, it's really Jesus. And um man, I I don't get as much, but we have the chapel at camp. And I try to, you know, we try to pray together as a staff in there in the mornings and uh when we can when the building's not being used. But um it makes such a difference. It makes such a difference spending um time with Christ. Um, because again, it's it's neat. You pick up the characteristics of who you hang out with the most. So why wouldn't we want to hang out with Jesus more? And again, uh a priest friend asked me, um, you know, do you want to go to heaven? And I was like, Well, yeah. And he was like, Um, why? And I couldn't really give an answer, but that sure beats the alternative, you know. Yeah. And he's like, Man, if you are serious about your faith, if you receive the Eucharist the right way, if you live your life um saying yes to Christ, then you can get a jump start on heaven. You can

– Youth Ministry & Encountering Christ

SPEAKER_02 45:30

be with Christ here on earth. And um, if you don't want to go to Mass, then why in the world would you want to spend eternity with Jesus? And it just, you know, just as a young man, that just hit me of like, oh my gosh, that is, he is so right on. And um, man, that was again those moments of the Holy Spirit speaking to me through another person of, yeah, you need to take your faith seriously, you know, because everything that you have is gonna be gone. You can look at me, Emily. I'm not a good athlete anymore. My hair is gone, my memory, oh my gosh. I used to make fun of my mom. If it's not written down, it doesn't exist. Oh, sure, mom. And now I'm like, oh wait, what was that? I knew I was supposed to be doing something.

SPEAKER_01 46:07

Yeah, it's like not looking good for me.

SPEAKER_02 46:10

And so, but as we get older, all those things slowly go away, except for our faith. That's the only thing that we'll have with us always. And so, yeah, dive into that, cherish that. Yeah, what a gift.

SPEAKER_00 46:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:25

Now the the the I don't know if it's a song or if it's a verse, or it's it just it's ringing in my head, you know, joy comes in the morning.

SPEAKER_02 46:33

Yeah, it's a song, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

Joy comes in the morning. And it it oh, I'm getting the du duality. It's like joy comes in the morning, not only the sunrise, but the morning, like the grief.

SPEAKER_02 46:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:48

And so, yeah, I mean you you you've had you you've had a lot of grief. Yeah. You had a lot of grief, you know, and to you're still having a lot of grief, you know.

SPEAKER_02 46:59

And will. And in the future you will, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:01

Yeah, but the the joy the joy tends to overshine it.

SPEAKER_02 47:07

Yeah, and even in all the grief, even when I wasn't um particularly close to Christ as a younger man, I I was never hopeless.

SPEAKER_00 47:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:17

Because I knew those seeds of faith were in there. You know, looking back, I can see that. Um, and I was never like in despair. It was, yeah, I'm struggling, and I knew that I was struggling, but um, like I said, I wasn't aware of God at work in my life at all, but he was there, he is faithful. And um yeah, I mean that's that's the beauty of that faith that God is faithful and he's never gonna let us down. And so um, the more that I can lean into that instead of pulling away from that, then the better.

SPEAKER_00 47:47

So beautiful, yeah, beautiful thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 47:51

My pleasure, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:52

Thank you for it. It was great seeing you and great getting to share my story. This is joy.

SPEAKER_01 47:56

If you would, if you want to do a little promo for Gaspar or uh if anyone's listening, particularly in the Diocese of Owensboro or honestly surrounding, please, yeah. Yeah, we had you had someone from Texas a couple summers ago. We're working again this summer, yeah. Yeah, so but yeah, if you want to do like a plug for Gaspar, sure, sure, so that would be perfect.

SPEAKER_02 48:18

I said this will be our 19th summer at uh Gaspar River Catholic Youth Camp. You can go to Gaspar River Retreat Center.org is our website, and um we're about 550, 560 is our max for camp, and we're already over 400 kids for this summer. And so um it's like record numbers of kids early. Uh and so um we have camps for third and fourth graders that are a Sunday to Wednesday, and then fifth and sixth grade comes together for a week-long session, seventh and eighth grade comes together, and then high school kids come together. And so we need volunteer adults. Um, you have to be 16 or older. Uh, you can go to our website and fill out a volunteer form. There's no cost for that, but you get to come and again allow God to use you as an instrument to touch the heart of a young person. We still need uh a handful of summer staff, both male and female, that would give 10 weeks of their summer to come and um uh serve the church and the young church. Uh and it's a great job. Oh my gosh, it is such a great job. It is so much fun, and you learn so many different things um about life and your faith. And uh kind of like we were saying earlier, um, I'm gonna be a fool if I do this, or I'm not qualified to do this. Um, if you're baptized, you're qualified. And again, if God can use me in that role, he can use anybody in that role. So um, biggest sinner in the room right here. So trust me, if God can use me, he can use anybody. And so uh, but we do. We need good people to come and help uh uh reach these young people, help them continue to grow in faith, or help them have that encounter moment that is a life-changing thing for them. And so um, yeah, it's it's just a beautiful, a beautiful experience. And uh camp, it one of my favorite things is seeing a kid kind of resist coming in on a Sunday and uh not wanting to be there. Um, and then by Friday, they're in tears because they don't want to leave, because they've encountered the love of Christ, um, or having a conversation on a Wednesday night's our adoration night, and Thursday morning at breakfast. I always, you know, try and sit by a kid that it looked like was having a powerful experience and talk with them about it, um, how the Holy Spirit spoke to them, what they felt. Um, and so it's just it's amazing. It really is incredible. And um again, none of us are qualified, but God's love and mercy and grace uh allows us to be. And so um think about it, pray about it, give us a call if you have questions. Camp's phone number is 270-781-2466. Um, that's on the website as well, too. Just give us a call. Um, it's a beautiful ministry, and we need people to to help. So come be a part of the team.

SPEAKER_01 50:54

Man, yeah. The the best summers of my life were working on staff, but prior to that,

– Final Reflections on Joy in Christ

SPEAKER_01 51:00

being a camper and then, you know, one year as a as a just purely volunteer counselor for a few weeks. That was so much fun. Yeah. Um, but yeah, it is one of the hardest jobs I've ever had, but it is also probably my favorite job I've ever had, as much as I love this one.

SPEAKER_02 51:19

That it trains you so well for life, of living a Eucharistic life.

SPEAKER_01 51:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 51:23

Of um breaking yourself open, pouring yourself out in love and service, allowing God to fill you up to go back out and do it all over again. Um, it's that's what camp is. And that that Eucharistic mindset kind of gets us through uh through life. Father Gary Clark, he was so funny. He was our first seminarian that we had. He was he shared a story with me one time that he had gone over to Evansville to help with something when he, I think he was still a seminarian uh or maybe a baby priest, I can't remember. But he went in and uh the person that was leading the event wasn't there yet, but this gym was just running around with kids, and like all these parents are just kind of standing there looking at each other, and like in two minutes, Gary's Father Gary's got their attention and he's got them playing games, and a bunch of the parents came over and they're like, How did you learn to do that? And he's like, working at summer camp. Yeah, and so you you learn skills, and actually it's one of the best things you can put on a resume as well, too, that you worked at a summer camp. Um, and I do, I get priests from all around the diocese like, hey, I need a DRE or I need a youth minister. Who's ready? Who you got? And um, so I get to do a lot of references, but every HR person I talk to is like, man, as soon as we see that you worked at a summer camp, we know you're you know we know you have a good attitude, we know you're flexible, we know you know how to work hard, you know how to work with people. And so um it is uh again, it's one of those things that might be a little afraid, but trust Jesus, step out in it, and just see how he blesses you back in return.

SPEAKER_01 52:47

So yeah. So if if you're feeling that itch or that prick, check it out.

SPEAKER_02 52:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:52

Check it out. Really, really a joyful, joyful place. It's it's home. It really is. But yeah. Thank you again, Ben.

SPEAKER_02 52:59

My pleasure, Emily. Thank you for the invite.

SPEAKER_01 53:01

Of course. But with all of you, um, I hope you have a blessed day and I will see you next time.